This lady at Richard's work gave me this sign that says, "These are the Children God has given me, God has been good to me." The past few years, I have been so busy with Trent and Drew that I forget all that we went through to get them here. I remember reading in 1Samuel about Hannah weeping and pleading with God to bless her. She wouldn't eat, and was downhearted. Eli even thought she was drunk. I remember reading this, and thinking she knows the hurt I feel. At the end of that chapter is says the Lord remembered her, so in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying "Because I asked the Lord for him." In chapter 2 she had one of the best prayers! She praised God for everything. She knew Gods power and his strength and she felt touched by him. She who was barren went on to have seven children. In chapter 2, I underlined verse 9. It says "He will guard the feet of his saints." I remember holding verses like that really close to my heart. Psalms 145:19 says He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked He will destroy. I knew I desired to have a baby and that He would bless me somehow in some way. The waiting was the hard part, but looking back on it now I wouldn't have it any other way. One of my favorite verses then and now is Proverbs 3:3-6. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
verse 7 and 8 are really good too!
Why did God choose to close Hannah's womb for a while, and then open it? I don't know. Perhaps it was so she would be the person you see in chapter 2 of 1Samuel. She was definately appreciative of all God had done for her. I think it has to do strictly with God's timing, because I don't think He sits around waiting until we are good enough. Right before I got pregnant with Colton, I remember how depressed I was and sometimes bitter. In verse 10 of 1Sam., it says, "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord.
I can't believe I could ever forget procedures or specifics that Rich and I endured, but actually I have. This is what I remember: months of clomid, months of shots that Rich would give me, shots in my stomach I would give, months of insemination, 2 Histeralpinogram(and how to spell that), 3 laporoscopes, 1 miscarriage, 1 pregnancy where the embryo was attached to my abdomen wall, 4 invitros, 1 invitro with an egg donor,100's of ultrasounds, making an adoption binder for a lawyer in town, buying about 154 pregnancy tests, days of waiting to find out if these procedures had worked, oh yeah! the money, the lovely FINO clinic in New Orleans, the drive to N.O. and back in one day, The clinic in Shreveport, and the Clinic in Jackson Mississippi with Dr. Isaacs. Two times these statements were made to me, "Terral, we think your eggs must not be viable. You just don't have good eggs."
Would you believe, Trent is the only baby that came from all of that. He is from the egg donor invitro too. Five years of trying before Colton in New Orleans, and two failed invitros we decided to rest. We went to the clinic in Shreveport, and were getting ready to do our 3rd invitro. The day before I was to start shots, they postponed it because I needed an updated MMR shot. We would have to wait 3 months after this shot to try again. At the end of the 3 months, I remember getting home from a trip to Germany and finding out I was pregnant with Colton. I could not believe it.
When Colton was about a year old, I got pregnant again. I miscarried at 11 weeks, and I never forget 2 days later we left for a trip to Paris that Rich won. I had to wear the biggest pads known to man kind on that trip. I was really disappointed. A couple of years went by, and we decided to go to Dr. Isaacs in Jackson. We did a couple of years worth of things. We pursued adoption. We did 2 more invitros. We finally got on an egg donor list, and received a call about 3 months later. They found a match, and we were so excited. I remember they put in 3 embryos, like a 6cell, 7cell, and an 8 cell. I have pictures of them. I always say, I bet Trent was the little 6 cell. I still have the letter I wrote the woman. They don't tell the donor if the recipient gets pregnant or not. Which is a good thing.
When Trent was 9 months old, I remember finding out I was pregnant with Drew. How exciting!
These are the children God has given me, God has been good to me.